The Oval Office Mango Mandate

Disclaimer: The following narrative is a fictionalized and exaggerated portrayal of a hypothetical event, written in a satirical style. It does not represent actual events or statements made by Ronald Rump. (The lights hit the stage, a familiar figure strides out to thunderous applause and a roar of patriotic slogans. He adjusts his tie, takes a sip of water, and leans into the microphone, a mischievous glint in his eye.) "Folks, folks, let me tell you, it's great to be here. Just tremendous. We're doing things, big things, for this country. Nobody’s ever done what we’ve done. And you know, sometimes, even the little things, they become… battles. Tremendous battles. Even for your, frankly, very stable genius president. You wouldn't believe what I had to go through just last week. You all know I love our country, I love our people, and I love, frankly, the best of everything. The best. So, I thought, you know what? We need some mangoes. Not just any mangoes, the be...